New England's Craft Cider

"we're not scientists, we're farmers" - business people

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i was forwarded this commercial this morning:

i’m going to preface my comments by noting that we’ve done plenty of things i’ve looked back on with cringe…”why did we say that? how stupid…..”

but this ad for angry orchard is embarrassing.

“we care for and pick every cider apple in a 100 year old orchard at peak freshness”

c’mon….now, i don’t know exactly where these guys get their apples. i’ve always been under the impression that they purchase most of their juice as concentrate from europe. so sure, maybe those orchards are 100 years old. but they don’t care for and pick those apples. have you ever seen cider house rules? that’s who picks most apples (without…ya know….the sexual abuse). boston beer company doesn’t employ that frumpy old guy to pick all their apples. that’s an embarrassingly liberal “we” they’re using. it’s also super deceptive. boston beer company did indeed purchase an orchard in upstate NY for the angry orchard brand, but i doubt they get any significant amount of their total apples from that orchard. this quote is clearly trying to intentionally deceive by blurring the lines of their orchard and where they actually get most of their juice.

“we heard a rumor that yelling at apples makes them grow faster….we’re not scientists, we’re farmers”

what the fuck, boston beer company, what the fuck. first of all, i don’t understand the sentiment here. wouldn’t farmers be the best source of knowledge on how to make apples grow? why would farmers yell at apples? are farmers supposed to be morons? like, “i heard rocket ships use helium to rise into orbit…..but i’m a software engineer, not a rocket scientist”…..that would be the appropriate structure. but the bigger issue with that line:


fuck that. farmers? really? how many fucking people at boston beer company identify themselves as farmers? get the fuck out of here…farmers. boston beer company is a publicly traded company on the new york stock exchange with a market cap of $1.73 BILLION dollars. playing this frumpy old farmer card is really fucking lame.

like i said, we’ve done a ton of lame shit too, so i empathize.


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